So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
