I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
