So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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