And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
