Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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