After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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