my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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