im drinking this country out of the recession.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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