mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
