i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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