i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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