I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
