A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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