and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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