just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
