I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
