4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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