I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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