Best friends brother. Beat that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize