i need an iv and a liver transplant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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