News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
