Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
