I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
