I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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