It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
