I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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