why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
