Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
