i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
