She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
