Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
