Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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