i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
