I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
