I want to have your abortion
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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