Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
