420 ftw
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Someone shit on the floor
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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