I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
