I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the condom got lost in my hair
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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