I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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