We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can vaginas get frostbite?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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