Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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