Sober January is a disaster.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
