Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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