He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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