TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
