If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
