Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize