He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
