is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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