i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
