i need an iv and a liver transplant
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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