why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
