Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize