Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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