I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
