I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got her a Nickelback box set.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
