And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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