Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize