I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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