can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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