his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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