the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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