apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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