it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
