She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
