I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
