I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
