In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize