i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
