4 words: hood of his car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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