It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize