whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
