Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
