I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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