I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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