I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
