in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
