I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
